What springs to mind when you hear the word disability? An alien? Someone two eggs short of a dozen? Well, whatever springs to your minds, just ponder on the following and try to imagine the theory this youngster was thinking.

It was November the eigth 2007, I was attending a job interview for what was going to be my third piece of voluntary work in five or six years. I had always wanted to be a helper within a school environment since a young age. I had had experience of working within a school setting before as my previous job was in a special needs school. The special needs school was very firm regarding educational standards, but in time these standards wilted. My only thoughts on why this was is due to the constant changes of headteachers.

I will not dwell too much on this part as I want to go into the matter in greater detail later on. All I will say is that the interview went well and as for the tour of the school is concerned, it raised a few interesting debates between two of the children regarding my speech impediment. A child said to another child, "We all speak differently you know."

Having had the pleasure of working with this child myself, I can honestly say the theory is based upon different cultures. I know how easy it is for us Brits to be very un-culturalised in a sense that we can laugh and mock at the sight of a foreign person or indeed at a disabled person. But when I read that ingenious phrase through my email, it made me think of how blessed and lucky I am to be doing a job I enjoy, knowing that a child has had an in depth look into what life is like for a disabled person.

Back when I was a boy attending two different schools for special needs children, the standard of education was very weak and the respet for teachers and other disabled children was low. I would get bullied by other disabled children, who were possibly more disabled than what I was. The teachers and headmaster also sided with the majority, it was like a game of chess in a sense that I was the King on the wehite side being pursued by five or six pieces of the opponent's army. Having not done any A or O levels or GCSE's, I sometimes wonder where my intelligence comes from.

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FUN POLL

IS SHADOWMOM A TERRIBLE ADMIN WORKER?

YES NO WHO THE HELL IS SHE?





BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN

I'll be 29 in 1 weeks and 6 days! RH and SHADOWMOM are buying the cake I believe!!!





SOMETHING FUN

DMUSIC SAGA NO 1

Cleopatra, Egypt's Last Queen
The Egyptian queen KATHY was totally Greek but is believed to have been able to read, write, and speak Egyptian. She was married to her brother JESSY and they ruled Egypt together, although they hated each other. He tried to have her killed but KATHY was tipped off and she fled to DMUSIC OFFICE. She returned with an army and the two had a stand off with neither side willing to budge. At about the same time, the Roman ADMIN RUSSELL arrived on the scene. He sided with KATHY and killed JESSY. KATHY and RUSSELL became romantically involved and had a son. She followed RUSSELL back to Rome and stayed there until his death. Then she and her son returned to Egypt to SNORE. After RUSSELL GROANED, there was a power struggle between his adopted son TIM and his friend PETER. KATHY became romantically involved with PETER and they hoped to create a truly kingdom of Egypt and Rome together. In 31 BC the feud between TIM and PETER erupted into a battle at sea off the coast of Greece. PETER and KATHY ditched the battle and fled back to Egypt, defeated. The following year, TIM came to Egypt to assume control. KATHY didn't want to be humiliated by being paraded through Rome as a SWEEPING BRUSH, so she SWAM herself, supposedly by letting a poisonous DOG bite her. Egypt was now part of the Roman Empire and was thereafter ruled by emperors, not pharaohs.

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FUN POLL

Has anyone missed me while I've been gone?

YES NO WHO THE HELL IS HE?





BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN

I'll be 29 in 3 weeks and 4 days! RH and SHADOWMOM are buying the cake I believe!!!





SOMETHING FUN

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

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Wow, where is this year going to? We've hit May I think I had better stay up all night, every night just to be able to enjoy the last days of being 28! Has there been an earthquake that has made our days shorter??? Maybe I'm just aging gracefully - with perfection of course!!

Oh well, here goes - the countdown to one's birthday must begin!!!

TIM'S BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN 2008!

WEEKS: 8 DAYS: 2

While we are on the topic... I guess I should tell you the plans of the day...

Morning: Visit to a big aquarium (3 levels I've read) Hope I don't get a shark bite..... or bitten by an eel - anyone got a I can borrow???

Afternoon: Trip to the theatre to see The Naked Truth - not as 'miserable' as last year's Les Miserables, but it could be 'cringe-taking' to see a big-boned female celebrity behind a pole trying to dance!! But will she give me her pie??? NO!! - The not so fat but still a fair size bitch! For the residents, I'm talking about Lisa Riley.

Evening: Pub meal - Now for a well-deserved piss-up! Maybe not, but one alcoholic beverage shouldn't hurt - it's never harmed Rh now has it??? (it hasn't even changed his appearance - he's been ugly since day one!)

Review of the day's event to follow - watch this space....

Below are the rest of the April holiday observation days - May's holiday will be posted by Thursday....

Tiger Tim


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YOUR MAY OBSERVATION / HOLIDAY DAYS BELOW - ENJOY (CLICK TO VIEW)

url

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NO SOUND, NO SPEAKER SO I CAN'T LISTEN TO YOUR TRACKS........ SORRY GUYS!!!!!!

If you live in the USA, what can you celebrate or observe in April? (some probably apply to the UK too)

APRIL 10

ASPCA (AMERICA SOCIETY FOR PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO ANIMALS) DAY
NATIONAL D.A.R.E DAY
NATIONAL SIBLING DAY
SALVATION ARMY FOUNDER'S DAY

APRIL 11

BARBERSHOP QUARTET DAY
INTERNATIONAL "LOUIE LOUIE" DAY
WORLD PARKINSON'S DISEASE DAY
TRIVIA DAYS (11TH - 13TH)

APRIL 12

BABY MASSAGE DAY
LICORICE DAY
WALK ON YOUR WILD SIDE DAY

APRIL 13

INTERNATIONAL PLANT APPRECIATION DAY
THOMAS JEFFERSON DAY

APRIL 14

CHILDREN WITH ALOPECIA DAY
PAN AMERICAN DAY

APRIL 15

INCOME TAX PAY DAY
TAKE A WILD GUESS DAY
THAT SUCKS DAY
EQUAL PAY DAY

APRIL 16

INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF LAUGHTER DAY
INTERNATIONAL STRESS AWARENESS DAY
NATIONAL WEAR YOUR PAJAMAS TO WORK DAY

APRIL 17

BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! DAY
ELLIS ISLAND FAMILY HISTORY DAY
FORD MUSTANG DAY
GET TO KNOW YOUR CUSTOMERS DAY (ALSO JAN 17, JUL 17, OCT 16)
HIGH FIVE DAY
WORLD HEMOPHILIA DAY

APRIL 18

COMIC BOOKS DAY (18TH - 20TH)
PET OWNERS INDEPENDENCE DAY
WORLD AMATEUR RADIO DAY (ONE FOR RH AGAIN)
YOYO DAY (18TH - 20TH)

APRIL 19

HUSBAND'S APPRECIATION DAY (3RD SATURDAY)
OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING COMMEMORATION DAY
AUCTIONEERS DAY
NATIONAL HANGING OUT DAY
PASSOVER
WORLD COW CHIPS DAY

APRIL 21

ASTRONOMY DAY
BOSTON MARATHON
KINDERGARTEN DAY
NATIONAL CHOCOLATE-COVERED CASHEWS DAY (KEEP RH AWAY FROM THEM)

APRIL 22

CHEMISTS CELEBRATE THE EARTH DAY
EARTH DAY
NATIONAL JELLY BEAN DAY (GET OFF THEM RH!!!)

APRIL 23

ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS/SECRETARY'S DAY
WORLD BOOK AND COPYRIGHT DAY

APRIL 24

TAKE OUR DAUGHTERS AND SONS TO WORK DAY

APRIL 25

ARBOR DAY
STARMAN DAYS (25TH - 27TH)
RED HOT SOCIETY DAY

APRIL 26

BOB WILLIS DAY
HUG AN AUSTRALIAN DAY (COME FOR A HUG OPPOSSUM & SHUTYATRAP)
REBUILDING DAY
RICHTER SCALE DAY
WORLD TAI AND QIGONG DAY

APRIL 27

MANTANAZA'S MULE DAY
MOTHER, FATHER DEAF DAY
RURAL LIFE/SOIL STEWARDSHIP DAY

APRIL 28

BULLDOGS ARE BEAUTIFUL DAY
CUBICAL DAY
WORKERS MEMORIAL DAY

APRIL 29

NATIONAL HAIRBALL DAY
SENSE OF SMELL DAY
NATIONAL TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO SAVE DAY
NATIONAL DANCE DAY

APRIL 30

BELTANE
HAIRSTYLISTS APPRECIATION DAY
SPANK OUT DAY (USA) (KEEP AWAY FROM KATHY TODAY!)
WALPURGIS NIGHT

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If you live in the USA, what can you celebrate or observe in April? (some probably apply to the UK too)

APRIL 1

APRIL FOOLS DAY
BOOMER BONUS DAY
NATIONAL FUN DAY
NATIONAL FUN DAY AT WORK
POETRY AND CREATIVE MIND DAY
SORRY CHARLIE DAY
ST STUPID DAY
US AIR FORCE DAY

APRIL 2

KICK BUTT DAY
INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN BOOK DAY
NATIONAL DAY OF HOPE
PARAPROFESSIONAL APPRECIATION DAY
RECONCILIATION DAY

APRIL 3

MULE DAY (3RD - 6TH)
NATIONAL ALCOHOL SCREENING DAY
PONY EXPRESS
TWEED DAY

APRIL 4

HOSPITAL ADMITTING CLERKS DAY
INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR MINE AWARENESS AND ASSISTANCE IN MINE ACTION
VICTIM OF VIOLENCE HOLY DAY
WORLD RAT DAY

APRIL 5

ACL AWARENESS AMONG YOUNG WOMEN DAY
NATIONAL BIRDING DAY
NATIONAL LOVE OUR CHILDREN DAY
TANGIBLE KORMA DAY

APRIL 6

DROWSY DRIVER AWARENESS DAY
TEFLON DAY

APRIL 7

NO HOUSEWORK DAY (KATHY'S FAVOURITE DAY)
WORLD HEALTH DAY

APRIL 9

NATIONAL CHERISH AN ANTIQUE DAY (SO YOU MUST LOOK AFTER RH)
FORMER PRISONER OF WAR RECOGNITION DAY

APRIL 10

ASPCA (AMERICA SOCIETY FOR PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO ANIMALS) DAY
NATIONAL D.A.R.E DAY
NATIONAL SIBLING DAY
SALVATION ARMY FOUNDER'S DAY

APRIL 11

BARBERSHOP QUARTET DAY
INTERNATIONAL "LOUIE LOUIE" DAY
WORLD PARKINSON'S DISEASE DAY
TRIVIA DAYS (11TH - 13TH)

APRIL 12

BABY MASSAGE DAY
LICORICE DAY
WALK ON YOUR WILD SIDE DAY

APRIL 13

INTERNATIONAL PLANT APPRECIATION DAY
THOMAS JEFFERSON DAY

APRIL 14

CHILDREN WITH ALOPECIA DAY
PAN AMERICAN DAY

APRIL 15

INCOME TAX PAY DAY
TAKE A WILD GUESS DAY
THAT SUCKS DAY
EQUAL PAY DAY

APRIL 16

INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF LAUGHTER DAY
INTERNATIONAL STRESS AWARENESS DAY
NATIONAL WEAR YOUR PAJAMAS TO WORK DAY

APRIL 17

BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! DAY
ELLIS ISLAND FAMILY HISTORY DAY
FORD MUSTANG DAY
GET TO KNOW YOUR CUSTOMERS DAY (ALSO JAN 17, JUL 17, OCT 16)
HIGH FIVE DAY
WORLD HEMOPHILIA DAY

APRIL 18

COMIC BOOKS DAY (18TH - 20TH)
PET OWNERS INDEPENDENCE DAY
WORLD AMATEUR RADIO DAY (ONE FOR RH AGAIN)
YOYO DAY (18TH - 20TH)

APRIL 19

HUSBAND'S APPRECIATION DAY (3RD SATURDAY)
OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING COMMEMORATION DAY
AUCTIONEERS DAY
NATIONAL HANGING OUT DAY
PASSOVER
WORLD COW CHIPS DAY

APRIL 21

ASTRONOMY DAY
BOSTON MARATHON
KINDERGARTEN DAY
NATIONAL CHOCOLATE-COVERED CASHEWS DAY (KEEP RH AWAY FROM THEM)

APRIL 22

CHEMISTS CELEBRATE THE EARTH DAY
EARTH DAY
NATIONAL JELLY BEAN DAY (GET OFF THEM RH!!!)

APRIL 23

ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS/SECRETARY'S DAY
WORLD BOOK AND COPYRIGHT DAY

APRIL 24

TAKE OUR DAUGHTERS AND SONS TO WORK DAY

APRIL 25

ARBOR DAY
STARMAN DAYS (25TH - 27TH)
RED HOT SOCIETY DAY

APRIL 26

BOB WILLIS DAY
HUG AN AUSTRALIAN DAY (COME FOR A HUG OPPOSSUM & SHUTYATRAP)
REBUILDING DAY
RICHTER SCALE DAY
WORLD TAI AND QIGONG DAY

APRIL 27

MANTANAZA'S MULE DAY
MOTHER, FATHER DEAF DAY
RURAL LIFE/SOIL STEWARDSHIP DAY

APRIL 28

BULLDOGS ARE BEAUTIFUL DAY
CUBICAL DAY
WORKERS MEMORIAL DAY

APRIL 29

NATIONAL HAIRBALL DAY
SENSE OF SMELL DAY
NATIONAL TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO SAVE DAY
NATIONAL DANCE DAY

APRIL 30

BELTANE
HAIRSTYLISTS APPRECIATION DAY
SPANK OUT DAY (USA) (KEEP AWAY FROM KATHY TODAY!)
WALPURGIS NIGHT

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TEN PET PEEVES THAT DOGS HAVE ABOUT HUMANS

1. Blaming your farts on me.... Not funny... Not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
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A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly....he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied . "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.
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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there is a rip in one of the bags,and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there is a game, a lot of the fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say, '$20 or off it comes!' "

"Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why Does The Easter Bunny Hide His Eggs?
A. Because He Doesn't Want Anyone To Know He's Screwing Around With A Chicken.
-----------------------------------------------------------Q. What Is The Best Thing About Having Alzheimer's Disease?
A. You Can Hide Your Own Easter Eggs!
------------------------------------------------------------

TWO EASTER QUIZZES FOR YOU ALL - HAPPY EASTER.

CAN YOU DECYPHER THE 3 WORD PHRASE?



WHICH 2 EGGS ARE IDENTICAL?

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Don't forget Easter Sunday this weekend!

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HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY DMUSIC!







Your Leprechaun Name Is:




Fluffy Potfiller

What's Your Leprechaun Name?

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FROM SCHOOL LIFE...... (Why I love my job!)

A child complained today that another child had smacked him. When the smacker was asked why he smacked him, he replied in all innocence.... "He weed on me!"

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